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This is where I make fun of my dad, cuz, it's so easy, hehe. Some of these things are true, other's aren't, I hope you enjoy.
"Always listen to your elders, they know what they're talking about" YET "Don't listen to grandpa, he doesn't know anything" Huh?
"If you're hungry, eat" YET "Why are you always eating?" Duh, I'm hungry
"If you need it, I'll buy it for you" YET "Why do you need food now, we got plenty at home" I'm hungry
"I was a teenager once, I know what you're thinking" YET "What are you thinking about?" I thought you knew
"Your grandpa is always making things that we don't need" YET "You see this pile of wood, why don't you make something, we're going to need it sooner or later" Duh, we don't need it.
"You should give me all your money, so I can watch it" YET "You want to buy lunch, use your own money" Didn't you take all my money.
"Why do you always want to go see a movie, we could rent one and sit in the living room and watch it?" YET "Why don't we go to a movie, instead of sitting around?"
"You can buy anything you want for lunch, I'll take you there" YET "What's wrong with getting a Whopper, it's cheap and it'll come out looking like shit anyways"
"You should get out more often" YET "Why you always away from the house?" Didn't you tell me to go out.
"Your sister will never learn to get food for herself." Funniest thing, my sister's taking a shower and he's already stacking up her bowl, literally to her nose. Never seen a day where he doesn't complain and my sister's not in the shower.
When my dad first decided to take me out driving, he was kinda scared, but I wasn't. He didn't know how well I could drive, but he wanted me to drive cuz of lower insurance rates. Anyhow, here are the things I've heard from him:
"When I say 'slow' means put your foot on the brake petal. When I say 'stop' it means slow." So, do I have to wait for you to scream before I stop?
"Park where ever you feel comfortable...why you parking here, you stupid? Park over there. ( I rear out and go where he pointed, which is usually the next spot). Why you parking so crooked?
So, the brakes on my car squeak when I apply them because my dad decided to get the cheapest brakes, as opposed to the ceramic ones, or the German ones... so, I tell him that's what we get for not spending more on the brakes and he says that the brakes on his pickup squeak too... well DUH!!! you bought the cheap brakes for that too...